Easily Influenced

I recently saw a commercial for an acne cure on MTV. (A little side note that I find frustrating about the current status of the world: I turn on MTV to watch reruns of shows that I watched when they were new shows on ABC on prime time. These days, shows that were only on MTV after 10pm when I was a kid are now being shown on ABC Family prime time. Not pertinent to this post, but irritating as a parent of young children.) The acne commercial claims like they all do to be the newest, greatest cure-all for acne. And they have some great 'before and after' photos of teenagers who presumably used their product. Unfortunately, to anybody who wears makeup or has spent any time around people who wear lots of makeup, it is blatantly obvious in the commercial that the 'before' pictures are makeup-less and the 'after' pictures are the same teenagers COATED with makeup. And knowing that they are predominantly preying on the money of young teenagers, they will make millions from the advertising. Young teenagers easily fall victim to self image and will flock to the product hoping for the 'after' look that (and this is my opinion) will probably only come with copious amounts of makeup.

But we grow out of that, right? I haven't been easily influenced since I was a teenager looking to rid myself of a few pimples. Yeah right!! Unfortunately, peer pressure does not end with high school. You will feel pressure from your coworkers, friends and even relatives throughout your life. And just as teenagers need to be weary of being too easily influenced, adults of all ages need to take a step back and really think about what kind of influence something, or someone, is having on them. As a youth it is easy to just go with the flow and do what your friends are doing, even if you know it's not right or something you particularly want to do. And you know what, it is just as easy to go with the flow as an adult. The difficult part of life, from elementary school through retirement, is being yourself. Standing up for what you believe, whatever it may be, and standing by your personal values may make you an outcast to some, but there is a quiet majority out there whose respect you will earn by doing so. People who go with the flow may seem popular and the boss (or most popular kid if you're still in school) may seem to like them, but you can stand out from the crowd by not going with the flow, especially if what their doing violates your personal values and beliefs. And while they may not say anything immediately or directly to you, your boss (and the popular kid) notice, and down the road that will work out in your favor.

Being easily influenced is not the same as taking advice. Anybody older than you, whether they are five years older than you or seventy-five years, has more life experience than you. You may know more than they do about making pizzas or about the study of religion, but they have been on earth longer than you and have that much more experience with interacting with others. (This is not always evident or a good thing, so use your best judgement) Whether or not you solicit it, people will give you advice. And my recommendation across the board is: take it! The very least you can do is listen to their advice. You may use it and you may not, but by simply listening you are opening yourself up to the opportunity to learn something that could better yourself. And if you don't like their advice, or if the advice doesn't work for or apply to you, you can keep it in the back of your mind and pass it along to others who may get help from it. I work with young people quite often through church and events in the community (I generally categorize 'young people' as 25 and under) and one things I have found is that young people today do not like getting advice from others. The simple act of listening seems to some to be a chore. I have personally seen young people dismiss advice from medical professionals, subject matter experts and their own parents. And it makes me feel bad for the young person because they are dismissing the chance to learn.

Our prisons are more full than ever, unemployment benefits have become an expected source of income and people searching for minimum wage jobs (such as fast food and grocery checkout for instance) are asking for starting wages more than police, nurses and firefighters make. The people filling the prisons, asking for $15 per hour to flip burgers and anxiously awaiting their next unemployment check without trying to find a job are the same people that are refusing to listen to the counsel and advice of others. Dismissing free advice is like skipping school; you're robbing yourself of an opportunity to learn something that could quite possibly make you and your situation better.

I have sat in many meetings, from Dominos Pizza to the Air Force to the Fire Department (and all the small jobs in between) where I was being instructed by someone whom I did not respect in their position, for whatever various reason. But I never focused on my feelings toward those individuals. I focused on the meeting. Some things did not apply to me then, and still have not. Some have impacted my life greatly. Regardless of what I learned in those meetings and who taught them, I paid attention and learned from others. Free advice, free education. Don't pass any opportunity to learn. Ever.

I realize that there are young people out there who are very intelligent and are more than open to the advice of others. To you I say don't be easily influenced by others taking the easy way out. Continue to be you; work hard and learn every day. To the young teenagers reading, those pimples will go away. Don't focus so much on what you look like in 8th grade because ten years from now you'll look completely different anyway. And to all, while taking advice and criticism from others, don't be as easily influenced as you are eager to learn and better yourself. Influence others to be their best by being your best.

Optimism

Optimism is a funny thing. Being able to see the upside of things comes easy to some and with much difficulty to others. Is it a choice or part of our unconscious? I don't know, and I don't really care. (This answer is the same reason I did not do too well in philosophy or psychology in high school.) But I've always found it easy to see the bright side of everything. Sometimes it is even funny. One of our first arguments as a married couple was because I was too positive and she was too negative. Some people fight about real things, we chose silly things like that. But she's right; I have always been so optimistic that it has led me to do things a lot of people wouldn't. I laugh at my own neurological disorder, I had no problem walking right up to the prettiest girls and asking them out (Now hearing "no" that many times kind hurts the ol' optimism.) and it makes me just smile through things. It takes a lot to get me worked up and mad. I had a fellow employee at Domino's tell me once that even when I was upset I was still smiling and people couldn't tell that I was mad.

With that in mind, optimism was tested recently when my family flew out to have the most horrible, unforgettable family vacation I have ever experienced! First of all, we flew to Spokane, Washington.

As you can tell, I had the cutest flying companions anyone has ever gotten to fly next to. They were great on the plane, no crying or screaming at all. We got lots of compliments from our fellow passengers about how good they were. Now Spokane, this place is ugly. Or so I've heard. I don't know for myself because we landed on Monday afternoon and drove out of town Friday morning, and it was foggy the whole time! I'm talking San Francisco fog. The most visibility we had during the entire week was about a quarter of a mile. So I've heard it is an ugly part of the state, but I kind of enjoyed it; found it much like I imagine it would be to live on the clouds. Except with traffic.

The adventure then took us on a drive across the mountains to the Seattle side of the state. As we drove into the valley, we got to see this beauty:

Mt. Rainier. A welcome site for someone who has been away from the area for any amount of time. The moment was short lived though because it's Seattle. It began raining an hour later and did not stop for the rest of our trip!

One of the reasons we went out was to celebrate my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary! Congratulations to them! 50 years,can you imagine? I'm at the 5 year mark with mine and I'm already scouting rural places in the woods! We had a spectacular time visiting with them, seeing all 12 of their children together at the same time and reliving some memories we have and many many others we have heard about that happened before my time. It was a wonderful party, a good time, and I am quite proud to have them as grandparents!

The next day we had a cousins' birthday party coupled together with a Super Bowl party. Being a huge Seahawks fan, there is no need to go much farther into that...

So here is where the optimism comes in. This was my precious daughter the day after the Super Bowl. My grandfather pointed out to me that 27 people were at the birthday/super bowl party and 23 came down with a norovirus! We spent Monday through Friday on my cousins' couch losing our guts! We took turns too! Addie got it first, then me then my wife. Our son was ill the whole time but not nearly as bad as the rest of us. His diaper rash was the stuff of infamous legends though. Poor kid. BUT, he didn't puke, so he may have actually won, I'm not sure?

We went on a 14 day vacation and spent 6 of the days sicker than dogs. We only got to see about two-thirds of the people we planned to see, and if it wasn't for my grandparents party we would have only seen about a quarter of them.

We weren't able to eat normally, without the fear of exploding, for two days after we returned home. But you know what...I had a blast! Sure the virus was horrible, but this is what it was all about. I got to see most of both sides of my family. Because my family is so large and so spread out around the country, we don't get together very often as a whole. And while not everybody was able to be there, we got to see more than we thought we would. My wife and I got to eat at two of our favorite restaurants, which they have neither of in Arkansas: Red Robin and Chili Thai.

While some people would focus on the fact that we were sick and felt like dying, I like to look on the happier times of the messed up trip. And I have to give a special shout out to my parents and sisters and wife. The last time we all got together a year ago I wanted to eat at the Old Spaghetti Factory in Dallas. We weren't able to because of time constraints. So this time, all together in Spokane, they took me out there. I had a blast. We didn't eat until after 8 and it was raining and foggy, but it was awesome. Then I come to learn afterwards that I was the ONLY one in that group who actually likes the Old Spaghetti Factory. So here's a toast to small sacrifices for the ones you love! (And to my three sisters, I think this proves that I just may be the favorite.)

Valentines Day

I was talking with a friend of mine yesterday and we were asking each other what our plans were for Valentines Day. He told me his plans and I told him that I had none. Over the course of our short conversation (it was short because we had just gotten off work and were ready to get home) he changed my mind on Valentines Day. Perhaps he didn't change my mind, but he reminded me about something that I forgot.

First of all, my thoughts on Valentines Day: People always complain every year that Christmas is a holiday invented by the toy and greeting card companies to make money. While that may be true to some small degree, Valentines Day is 100% that very day! Now the 'origin' of Valentines Day goes back to a cleansing, health and fertility festival in Ancient Rome, so there is an aspect of love and hearts and all that (or at least fertility) back to the beginning, but it wasn't until the 1500s that people began exchanging gifts, cards and candy to show affection for another. And THAT happened after February 14th was dedicated to honor St. Valentine (in the 5th century) on a day attempted to Christianize the now-bastardized pagan festival that had replaced what the Ancient Romans had once celebrated. Some sources even give credit to Geoffrey Chaucer for making it the affectionate holiday we now know today. In any case, I'm not denying that this holiday may actually have origins in love and affection, but what we celebrate today is, in my opinion, dumb.

How my friend changed my views yesterday is he agreed with me to some degree. He said as an adult, yes it's dumb. But as a kid, it's a great holiday. And he's right! Remember being in 3rd grade, seeing that girl sitting across the class that for some unknown reason sticks out from all the other girls in class. You made sure to pick out your best valentine for her, and hoped silently that you got one from her. It's fun. It's a fun day as a child. I do remember getting and giving valentines up until about 6th grade or so, and it was fun to see what you got, and especially to find out who liked you back! But after middle and high school, why do we celebrate it?

How much stronger will your marriage/relationship be if you stop celebrating Valentines Day? Pick a day, any day, August 19? April 23? Without telling your significant other, go buy him/her flowers and their favorite candy. Why? Just because! You love this person, and they love you. You are in an active relationship; why limit going all out to show that special someone how special they are on one publicly celebrated day in February? On top of the fact that flowers are more expensive on Valentines Day and that restaurants are full of other couples taking up just two seats at a six-top table at your favorite place to eat, it's not at all original to celebrate today. People have been doing it since the 1500s, do you really think you're the first? Proposing in tulips from a hot air balloon, naming a star in her honor, getting the same picture with her every single Valentines Day since you first met, they've all been done. Be original. Pick a day in the middle of the year when neither of you have anything going and surprise your significant other with your own day to show affection. Do that and tell me your relationship isn't stronger.

For those of you reading thinking I'm just a pissed off single man who can't find a girl to be with, know that roughly 60% of Americans celebrate this 'magical' day. That means at least some portion of 40% of people agree with me. I'm married and got lucky enough to marry a woman who agrees with me. 5 years of marriage and I don't know if either of us has ever said 'Happy Valentines Day' to the other. But I do randomly bring home flowers from work, and have been known to bring home a 1 lb bag of Skittles for her. And sometimes she even shares the Skittles with me!

So for those of you younguns who are trying to figure out why that girl who just gave you a Hunger Games valentines card makes you feel funny inside, Happy Valentines Day to you! And to everyone else, Happy Valentines Day too, but think about making that special someone feel special everyday, not just today.

Controversial topics

Je tiens à remercier les gens en France qui lisent mon blog!

Whether your belief in the history of the world comes from the Bible, from history & science books or from cave drawings whose dates can only be estimated to thousand-year time frames, one thing is certain: people have been fighting and not getting along for as long as we have record. Drawings on walls of ancient tombs in the middle east depict great battles, the Bible speaks of great battles, and, as George Lucas has informed us, this has been going on since a long time ago (and apparently not just in our galaxy). People today find hundreds of reasons to hate each other, just as they have done since...always.

Growing up, when myself or any of my sisters were being sensitive or over dramatic, my father would use a phrase that my sisters and I now look back on with fondness and a smile. My oldest sister Kristi and I were living in our apartment not long after she graduated high school and we decided to go to Blockbuster (remember those?!) and rent a movie. We settled on Stripes, because we like Bill Murray and we had both heard it's a comedy classic. A quarter of the way through the movie we were shocked and laughed real hard when we found that our dad's phrase was actually a phrase used by Sgt Hulka. Even though the movie is older than my sisters and me, we all still consider it our dad's saying: "Lighten up, Francis."

In the news lately it seems all we hear about are 'controversial topics.' Racism, abortion, freedom of speech, freedom of religion, the success/failure of President Obama, gay rights, etc. People protest, riot, kill, starve themselves and get their blood pressure all boiled up over these topics. If you ask me, I think a good first step to resolve most of these issues is for everyone to lighten up! Believe it or not (and for people 30 and under, this may be hard to believe) but these issues AREN'T new! All of the 'controversial topics' I listed have been mainstream news for anywhere from 30 years to thousands of years. The first thing that we need to do is to lighten up, and realize that the person across from you, getting you all riled up, is in fact a person too. They may not be perfect, but nether are you! So you disagree with their views on politics, and you think they are completely wrong. Good. They think something differently than you do about your government leaders. Good. Just because their views are different than yours, why do you have to hate them?

One of the reasons (and quite possibly the only reason) I pay attention to my friends/family/coworkers talking about 'controversial topics' is because I can learn from the conversation. Not only can I learn two opposing views of the topic, I get to learn how the people involved act, react and how they truly feel. I personally have friends who vigorously support gay marriage and I have friends who vehemently oppose it. I have a number of friends who are gay and a couple of them have been married in the states in which they live. When I see two people arguing, coming close to blows while discussing why it's right or wrong, the part that bothers me isn't their views, it's the fact that they can't accept that they both have an opinion. There is no understanding (even though the phrase 'I understand your point' or 'I see where you're coming from, but...' are often used in those conversations.) If you were to ask me, I would give you my view and I will openly listen to yours. I won't get mad because I've learned that life's too short to argue about 'controversial topics' and that getting your blood boiling isn't good for anyone. Will we agree? Maybe. Will my views on you as a person change if we disagree, probably not. While I have not perfected it yet, I'm learning and trying to lighten up.

Think of the opportunities and friendships you may be missing out on because of your stubbornness. When I was in high school, I had a buddy who I was good friends with. We'd hang out, go snowmobiling and snowboarding, got along great. Then one day, out of the blue, he severed all contact with me. After a few weeks of pestering him for an answer, he finally explained to me that because of something he had read online, about my religious preference, we could no longer be friends. I was saddened not only to lose his friendship over such a silly reason, but also because the information he had read was incorrect, and did not say anything true about my religious preference and the topic he was researching. I guarantee that a little open mindedness on his part, and probably some better explaining on mine, would have changed the way our friendship turned out. And similar example can be found in the lives of just about every person on earth.

Lighten up. Don't just claim to understand someone's views, truly try to understand them. Then when you do understand them and still don't agree with them, leave it at that. Neither of you are breaking the law by having and voicing your opinion. Learn from one another. You can be open minded and still keep your personal beliefs. If you're pro-life, you can have friends that are pro-choice. If you disagree with gay marriage, you can still have homosexual friends. Have an open mind and don't be afraid of what you'll learn from another person. Forget your racial, religious and financial differences and think about them as a human being. They've probably got similar hopes and dreams as you do. It's uptight, ignorant and closed-minded people that prevent progress. Don't be a person that prevents progress.

Can you dream too big?

First of all, this last weekend was a sad one in the world of sports. I remember watching Sportscenter before school in 3rd or 4th grade, much to my mothers dismay because I was usually late, and I can still name the crews I used to love to see updating me on all the latest sports news: Dan Patrick, Rich Eiesen and Stuart Scott. Like many of the sports fans around the world, I was very saddened to wake up Sunday and hear that Stuart Scott had passed away. It's hard to find the words. He was great at his job and an even better human being. I don't think any true sports fan flips their pillow over without hearing his voice. May he rest in peace. If you haven't heard his speech from the 2014 ESPYs, Click here. It is emotional, inspiring and just plain fantastic.

"Too much fun, what's that mean?" A question posed by a country singer when I was about 10 or 11 years old. It's still a song I turn up when it comes on the radio. (Which isn't very often. If you listen to the radio anymore, it's mostly the same 20 or 25 songs performed by more-or-less talent-less bands, played over and over and over again all day long. Seems like you have to find just the right station or use Pandora, satellite radio and similar options to hear good music by a good band anymore!) I was playing all kinds of different music today while hanging out with my son. He's seven months old and the music doesn't entertain him nearly as much as watching his daddy strum an air guitar while jumping around the house and singing terribly.

I was thinking today about all the goals I currently have in life and the question crossed my mind, can you dream too big? What dreams do you have and what is preventing you from chasing them? America was built on dreams. Pilgrims settled in America dreaming of freedom from their rulers. Dreams of wealth and gold sent thousands of people to the west coast, and dreams of skyscrapers and railroads made Andrew Carnegie and incredibly wealthy man. The inequalities of America were challenged head on, led by a pastor born in Atlanta, Georgia who is most often remembered by a speech he gave in which he used the famous words "I have a dream." Dreams are what drive us as individuals and as a nation. The same is true for people and nations around the world. All dreams, no matter how small, have a price. Knowing what your dream is, how badly you want it and whether or not it's worth that cost is a driving force we often over look. Whether it's getting yourself out of debt or to becoming the leader of your country, what we do every day drives us toward our dreams, When we stop dreaming and stop trying to achieve those dreams, we stop really living.

As I sit here today I still chase lofty goals (and by lofty I mean some are goals that I know will probably never come to fruition. I mean, what good is a 2 million dollar yacht in the landlocked state in which I live?) I am writing a book. I started it about 7 years ago, took some long breaks and focused on other things in life, but my best guess is I'm within 1 year of finally having it ready to be published. That's one goal. I also have a stand up comedy routine in my head. I could go up on stage right now and make you laugh (or attempt to!) for 15 solid minutes and possibly as long as half hour, I'm also preparing to audition for a movie shooting this spring here around Arkansas. Attempting to be a stand up comic and an actor are made slightly difficult by the limited opportunities that come from living in Arkansas and not being able to openly travel for the auditions, but it's still fun to shoot for the few, usually small opportunities that come this way. On top of those dreams, I often throw ideas by my wife on what I call 'money making' ideas. The only one my wife actually enjoys hearing about is franchising a Red Robin here in central Arkansas. (THAT one probably won't come true because apparently you need 3 MILLION dollars to franchise with them, and I'm right about 3 million dollars short of that!) Even though I realize that few, if any, of those dreams will come completely true, I still dream them.

I personally don't think you can dream too big. Maybe one day I will have a New York Times bestseller, or maybe you'll see my multimillion dollar yacht cruising Lake Ouchita someday. You never know. For me, I make sure everything is in order here at home so that I can dream those dreams, and maybe one day one of them will come true. If you want to be a billionaire, if you want to study penguins in Antarctica, or if your goal is simply to complete your degree, do it. Your dreams are neither too big or too small.

Dream. Chase those dreams. Share your dreams. Make yourself better along the journey and help others to achieve theirs.

Happy New Year!

Like it happens every December, the year is coming to a close. As a kid I found this time of year exciting; my sisters and I would try to stay up late to watch the ball drop on TV, as a teenager/young adult I'd go to parties with friends. Now, working full time, married to a woman who works full time, with two small children at home, Dec. 31 is just another day on the calendar. Sure, it's a new year. But it's just a ball slowly being lowered in NYC. It's been the same since long before I was born. And a lot of people use the night as an excuse to dance, party and get plastered, when in reality most of those people do that on the weekends anyway. I'm all for finding a reason to party, but you can get drunk and watch balls drop every Sunday during Cowboys games. No need to stay up late on Dec. 31 for it!

One part of the New Years season that I've never put much into is making new years resolutions. As much as I like hearing women who are not overweight complaining about their goal to lose weight, I've always found it silly to wait til the new year to make a change. I've heard a few people in my life claim they want to stop smoking and they're going to start at the new year. Same thing with losing weight. And I've always thought: Why wait? I understand that Jan. 1 is a good time to start anew, because the calendar is new, the year is new, and most people will spend another 30 days writing 2014 after the date, but what makes Jan. 1 any better to start a goal than Aug. 23 or March 4, or April 31? (Who caught that...? If you plan on starting a new goal on April 31, your goal should be to buy a calendar.) If you want to begin living a healthier life, give up bad habits or whatever you want, do it whenever you're ready, and make that date special to you. If you don't wear your seat belt in a car and you decide sometime in March that you want to begin, do it, and suddenly you have an anniversary to look forward to every March. Make yourself a cake, with a little car on it smashed into a tree made out of whipped icing, and a little person made out of sugar standing next to it and have it say "you're still alive" in your favorite color. Then eat it all. (Then in April you can begin a new goal of not eating so much cake, fatty.)

New Years Eve can be fun. But be considerate of others. When you finally cross that line and start puking before the clock strikes midnight, leave the bar. Nobody in the bar wants to see that. And if you've been begging your girlfriends all night to let you do karaoke and they finally give in and let you, don't. You probably suck and your friends finally gave up on saving everyone's ears in the place. Seriously though, party and have fun but don't drink and drive. Too many innocent people get hurt because of the stupidity of drunk drivers. Know your limits, be smart, let your local police, fire and EMS personnel have an easy night since they'll be on duty, and welcome 2015 with a bang!

Happy New Year!

Where have you been??

Hello again. I'm back!! Some of you may be wondering "why haven't you posted in the last three weeks," and I wondered that myself. I thought maybe it's because I was stuffed from the Thanksgiving feast. But that's not it. My pants are tighter now though... Perhaps my absence is because I was busy as my alter ego, saving the big city and getting the girl. But no. Little Rock is not a big city, and super heroes pants aren't snug. I was actually touring the mid-west United States with a traveling wild-west show as the horse poop cleaner/rodeo clown. I tried to do both jobs at the same time one night during a show, got trampled by a bull and underwent a brain-replacement operation at the state hospital in Phulaschit, Nebraska. The TRUTH is, we've both been working a lot and the two times I sat down to write in the past few weeks, I've had a completely blank mind. Writers block. (wild-west story was better huh?!)

I read an article earlier this year that I found very interesting, but I also found it is a very touchy point for some people. The article was here on Time.com and entitled "ADHD Does Not Exist." See, touchy and controversial right there in the title. A good, interesting read if you have five minutes, but if not it is a behavioral neurologist with over 50 years experience in the field, (dude must be OOOOOLLLLLDLDDD) who has practiced under the thought or pretense that ADHD doesn't exist and that by curing underlying issues, the symptoms of ADHD go away. Now I'm not here to start a rally or upset friends who have kids who, or themselves, have ADHD, so calm down. There have been enough 'movements' started in the last few weeks that we don't need another one. I just read the article and did some more googling (because that's what amateur research is these days) and found that treating underlying issues to cure common symptoms is not an uncommon practice at all. So I took to google and my local yellow pages (again, via google) and thought about applying that to my TS.

I know through my own experience and research that TS is often associated with anxiety and OCD. Exactly how they correlate seems to be a foggy area that 'experts' don't seem to agree on 100%, but they agree the conditions do correlate. So I connected with a Psychologist and spoke with her about what behavior therapy is and how to use that to treat my tics. Knowing the anxiety that I have as well as some of the obsessive-compulsive tendencies I have exhibited in the past, our sessions have been her digging into my brain (figuratively of course. I do enough literal brain digging through my nose sitting at red lights) and asking open ended questions to literally figure out what makes me tic. Since I met my wife 4 1/2 years ago, when I try something new to minimize my tics I will ask her if she has noticed a difference, and the answer has always been no.

As I've been seeing the psychologist I've learned more about myself, and even more about Tourette's, and have been given all kinds of pointers to help combat the anxiety and the OCD. While I'm not cured (that wasn't my expectation anyway) I finally had my wife say that I seem to twitch less recently! After all the punches I've thrown and the eyes I've poked, hearing her say that I felt like this:

So while I still twitch, it was nice to feel some improvement, and even better to have someone else who sees me every day to acknowledge it as well. And I'm sure my kids appreciate how much better I've become at not blowing air into their faces!

I like to continually learn and try to improve, not just with TS but with everything. I strive every day to be a better husband, father, brother, firefighter, Christian and every other aspect of my life. Life is hard. My sister just told me this morning that being a parent is hard. (amen!) But it's all part of life. Better yourself so you can help better others.

And finally. My beautiful little girl turned 3 this last week. Happy Birthday Cutie!! She can't decide from one minute to the next if she is Doc McStuffins, Queen Elsa, Sleeping Beauty or one of the Bubble Guppies, but I love all of her! And I'm not ashamed to admit I can sing along with all the aforementioned songs. (I may even sing "Let It Go" better than Queen Elsa herself...)