Controversial topics

Je tiens à remercier les gens en France qui lisent mon blog!

Whether your belief in the history of the world comes from the Bible, from history & science books or from cave drawings whose dates can only be estimated to thousand-year time frames, one thing is certain: people have been fighting and not getting along for as long as we have record. Drawings on walls of ancient tombs in the middle east depict great battles, the Bible speaks of great battles, and, as George Lucas has informed us, this has been going on since a long time ago (and apparently not just in our galaxy). People today find hundreds of reasons to hate each other, just as they have done since...always.

Growing up, when myself or any of my sisters were being sensitive or over dramatic, my father would use a phrase that my sisters and I now look back on with fondness and a smile. My oldest sister Kristi and I were living in our apartment not long after she graduated high school and we decided to go to Blockbuster (remember those?!) and rent a movie. We settled on Stripes, because we like Bill Murray and we had both heard it's a comedy classic. A quarter of the way through the movie we were shocked and laughed real hard when we found that our dad's phrase was actually a phrase used by Sgt Hulka. Even though the movie is older than my sisters and me, we all still consider it our dad's saying: "Lighten up, Francis."

In the news lately it seems all we hear about are 'controversial topics.' Racism, abortion, freedom of speech, freedom of religion, the success/failure of President Obama, gay rights, etc. People protest, riot, kill, starve themselves and get their blood pressure all boiled up over these topics. If you ask me, I think a good first step to resolve most of these issues is for everyone to lighten up! Believe it or not (and for people 30 and under, this may be hard to believe) but these issues AREN'T new! All of the 'controversial topics' I listed have been mainstream news for anywhere from 30 years to thousands of years. The first thing that we need to do is to lighten up, and realize that the person across from you, getting you all riled up, is in fact a person too. They may not be perfect, but nether are you! So you disagree with their views on politics, and you think they are completely wrong. Good. They think something differently than you do about your government leaders. Good. Just because their views are different than yours, why do you have to hate them?

One of the reasons (and quite possibly the only reason) I pay attention to my friends/family/coworkers talking about 'controversial topics' is because I can learn from the conversation. Not only can I learn two opposing views of the topic, I get to learn how the people involved act, react and how they truly feel. I personally have friends who vigorously support gay marriage and I have friends who vehemently oppose it. I have a number of friends who are gay and a couple of them have been married in the states in which they live. When I see two people arguing, coming close to blows while discussing why it's right or wrong, the part that bothers me isn't their views, it's the fact that they can't accept that they both have an opinion. There is no understanding (even though the phrase 'I understand your point' or 'I see where you're coming from, but...' are often used in those conversations.) If you were to ask me, I would give you my view and I will openly listen to yours. I won't get mad because I've learned that life's too short to argue about 'controversial topics' and that getting your blood boiling isn't good for anyone. Will we agree? Maybe. Will my views on you as a person change if we disagree, probably not. While I have not perfected it yet, I'm learning and trying to lighten up.

Think of the opportunities and friendships you may be missing out on because of your stubbornness. When I was in high school, I had a buddy who I was good friends with. We'd hang out, go snowmobiling and snowboarding, got along great. Then one day, out of the blue, he severed all contact with me. After a few weeks of pestering him for an answer, he finally explained to me that because of something he had read online, about my religious preference, we could no longer be friends. I was saddened not only to lose his friendship over such a silly reason, but also because the information he had read was incorrect, and did not say anything true about my religious preference and the topic he was researching. I guarantee that a little open mindedness on his part, and probably some better explaining on mine, would have changed the way our friendship turned out. And similar example can be found in the lives of just about every person on earth.

Lighten up. Don't just claim to understand someone's views, truly try to understand them. Then when you do understand them and still don't agree with them, leave it at that. Neither of you are breaking the law by having and voicing your opinion. Learn from one another. You can be open minded and still keep your personal beliefs. If you're pro-life, you can have friends that are pro-choice. If you disagree with gay marriage, you can still have homosexual friends. Have an open mind and don't be afraid of what you'll learn from another person. Forget your racial, religious and financial differences and think about them as a human being. They've probably got similar hopes and dreams as you do. It's uptight, ignorant and closed-minded people that prevent progress. Don't be a person that prevents progress.

Understanding

My first experience with Tourette's came long before I even began exhibiting tics. A buddy of mine and I went up to Washington DC (this was the first time I lived in VA, for those keeping track) to see a game downtown. I don't remember if it was hockey or basketball, but it was a DC pro sports team in 2002, which means they probably lost. But we were on the metro after the game heading home and my buddy and I were sitting in the metro seats closest to the door. We offered our seats to others but nobody accepted, so we sat in the crowded car. There was a boy about 10 years old with his mother standing closest to us. He was holding the pole in the middle of the car for support and just staring out the window with a blank stare. After a few minutes of this, out of the blue clear sky, this kid yells like he just saw a ghost! My buddy literally jumped into his seat, over the back of it and ran to the far end of the car, scared out of his mind. My heart was racing as I sat there terrified, wondering was was behind me out the window that scared him and was it going to kill me. The boy quickly calmed down and returned to his blank stare while I, and most of the rest of the train, wondered 'what the hell was that?!' His mother leaned in to me and said, "I'm sorry about that. He has tourette's syndrome." I replied, "oh, ok. No problem." Once I understood that there wasn't a ghost sitting next to me, I was fine. My buddy finally returned to his seat once his heart rate dropped below 200 beats a minute.

Understanding is something that I have found a lot of people have, but it's often times hidden under many other emotions that come out first. I have found in my experience that a lot of people see that I have some kind of tic and immediately assume that I can't do things. Even the U.S. military has a rule when you try to join that any kind of tics disqualify you from military service. It took me going to 3 recruiters before I found one willing to overlook my tics, but look what they got out of it!

A tall guy in a goofy hat without a smile. But they also got the goal oriented, hard worker that I am.

It's almost a natural reaction to let our reservations appear before understanding. Some people see a person with a disability, either physical or mental, and immediately think that the person is incapable of doing things on their own. While this may be true, there is also a good chance that the person has learned to adapt whatever it is that makes them 'different' and can quite possibly surprise you with what they can accomplish. One of my favorite baseball pitchers when I was a kid was Jim Abbott. He was an amazing college and professional athlete who was born with only one hand. I looked up to him for being one of the best at what he did professionally and for overcoming something that many people can't imagine being faced with.

Needless to say, understanding goes far beyond employing and befriending people with TS. There are good people out there in every walk of life. From the age old prejudice of skin color and ethnicity, to physical and mental impairments to level of wealth, having people who have and exhibit understanding is what makes people want to be better. After fighting so hard to join the Air Force, once I enlisted I worked hard to ensure they had no reason to doubt their letting me join. (This included hiding tics the best I could for long periods of time.) When I accepted the job as a firefighter, not one person in the hiring process or rookie school minded that I had it. (They had issues with me bringing a camera crew with television producers and sound guys unexpectedly, but who wouldn't?!) But I still had the drive to be the best I could in rookie school and now every day as a firefighter. People around the world who aren't afraid of someone who is 'different,' who don't immediately jump to conclusions about others and give people who are 'different' a fair chance, they are often times the people who find golden nuggets of friends and employees that others have passed over.